With You, of All People
by Twinings
Summary: Every television writer knows that when you run out of ideas, you can always trap two characters together in an elevator and see what happens.


Disclaimer: I don't own zees.

'Tis for my sexy friend Jeff, because I will _never_ forget that time in the freezer. Although, technically, I'm still waiting for that to happen? Where are you, Jeff? I'm so cold...

With You, of All People

_Because every television writer knows that when you run out of ideas, you can always trap two characters together in an elevator. That or do a cheesy clip show._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Harley Quinn looked up nervously at Batman, the grim Dark Knight. He was not a happy camper.

"Um…Bats?" she said timidly. He glared at her.

"What?"

"You having any luck?" He didn't answer. "Well, it's just that you've been trying to open that emergency hatch for about ten minutes now. I mean, even I would have given up by now." Batman slammed his gloved fist against the ceiling one more time. Harley flinched.

"There's something on top of us. It's too heavy for me to lift."

"Can I help?"

"I think you've done enough."

Harley pouted. Oh, sure, blame it all on her. It hadn't been _her_ idea to rob the department store. _She_ hadn't left the clever clues to baffle the Bat. She was one of the few who hadn't started firing wildly when he and the Boy Wonder had shown up. A lucky shot from her boxing glove gun had actually knocked Batman unconscious—she smiled proudly—but the elaborate plan to kill him and his fluttery little sidekick had been all Puddin's.

Okay, so maybe she had gotten in his way a little when he was trying to escape, but she hadn't asked him to shield her from the explosion. (She smiled. So heroic! So sweet.) She hadn't _meant_ for the two of them to go tumbling into the elevator, and she sure hadn't mean for the cable to snap. Whoops.

She watched Batman pace around the narrow space until she wanted to scream.

"Hey, Bats?" He stopped pacing and glared at her.

"_What?"_

"Nothing," she squeaked. He went back to pacing. "Batman?"

"What do you want, Harley?" She gathered her courage.

"Is that a deck of cards in your tights, or are you just happy to see me?" Batman put a hand to his forehead to stave off the beginnings of a headache. "Well, it's just that we could be down here for a while…"

"I don't carry playing cards around with me, and even if I did, the Joker has my utility belt."

"No need to get all huffy," Harley muttered. Before he could start pacing again, she added, "I've got a deck. Promise not to clobber me if I reach for it?" The look on his face could have melted bones. She held up her hands placatingly. "Never mind! Jeez, I was just asking. Solitaire ain't my game, anyhow." He went back to pacing. She started drumming on her knees, bored out of her skull.

"Do you have to do that?" Harley's hands stilled.

"So, what, you're allowed to move around and I'm not?"

"Exactly."

Harley frowned.

"Fine. Jerk."

A few minutes later, she was drumming again.

"Harley," he warned.

"Oh, Bat's, you know I've always liked you. You've always made things fun. Not that you're any fun yourself, mind you. But still. I mean, sure, I was a little rough on you that one time with the piranhas, but, hey, everyone has a bad day every once in a while, right?" He didn't answer. "Hey, you remember that one really bad day I had, with Bruce Wayne's girlfriend, and the tank, and all those gangsters, and the dress, and then I fell off that billboard and messed on your cape, and then you brought me back to Arkham and I planted one on ya?"

"Two," he said, almost smiling.

"Oh, yeah! The first one was just the appetizer." She stood up, stretching. "Say, whatever happened to that girl, Veronica? I heard she got married."

"Her husband turned out to be one of Poison Ivy's creations."

"No kidding? Red never told me that." She took a step toward him.

"Miss Quinn, forgive me for not trusting you, but you're going to have to stay over there."

"Oh. Sure, Bats. I understand." She leaned back against the wall. "You remember that time you sprung me from Arkham to help you track down Mr. J., and we had that little run-in with old what's-his-name? That was a pretty tight spot we were in, but I got us out of it by singing that song."

"I remember."

"I never knew that our romance was over—"

"I remember. You don't have to sing it again."

Harley folded her arms.

"You ain't much of a conversationalist, are you, Bats?"

"I'm not in the mood to talk."

"You worried about Robin? Don't be. My Puddin' wouldn't kill the kid. Not without you." Batman's fists clenched, his whole body tensing.

"Yes, he would," he growled.

"He…he would? Batman? Come on, talk to me."

"I've had three Robins," Batman said. "One retired. One was killed." It all clicked into place for Harley, and tears sprang to her eyes. She threw her arms around Batman, startling him.

"I'm sorry, Bats. I didn't know. He never told me."

"Let go," Batman said. Harley kissed his cheek.

"No wonder you're so dark. You need a hug."

"No, I don't. Let go." She snuggled with him, suddenly remembering how nice it had been to kiss him that day in Arkham. He was so solid and warm.

"Hey, Bats, how come you never called me?"

"Because you're the Joker's girl. Now stop hugging me."

"Uh-uh. Not until you hug me back." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders very briefly, then tried to squirm out of her deathgrip. "Oh, come on, Batsy. You act like you've never held a woman before. Do it like _this_." She kissed him as passionately as she had ever kissed the Joker. It took him a moment to respond, but he was only human, after all.

Ooh. Very nice.

--

"How did you know where to find us?" Robin asked Nightwing as the two of them dug down to the buried elevator where Batman was trapped. Behind them, tied up like a bull at a rodeo, the Joker giggled madly.

"Actually, I just happened to be in the neighborhood and heard the explosion."

"Well, we're lucky you were around."

The Joker cackled.

"Lucky for you, Boy Blunder. Too bad for old Batsy, he's been trapped in there with my Pooh. She'll have killed him twenty minutes ago."

"We'll see about that," Nightwing said. He and Robin pried open the elevator doors.

Robin's first feeling was relief that Batman was all right. Then he realized that Batman and Harley Quinn were both lying on the floor of the elevator car, wearing nothing but their masks.

"Eep," Harley said, covering herself with Batman's cape.

Robin averted his eyes.

The Joker looked crushed.

"Harley! You were _supposed_ to kill him!"

"Oh, was that the plan? Puddin', you gotta tell me these things."

Nightwing stared down at the pair, openmouthed.

"Batman?"

"What?"

A pregnant pause.

"Do you need a cigarette?"


End file.
